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Interview with Carmelia Ray

29/9/2017

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Carmelia Ray is a TV host, online dating expert and celebrity matchmaker, and certified date coach. You can catch her on Mom vs Matchmaker. She was kind enough to spare some time to chat with me about some dating dos and don'ts. Check it out below:

Should we be calling celebrity relationships "#goals"? Example: John Legend and Chrissy Teigen, Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel 
There are certain celebrity relationships you'd want to call #goals as the couples you've mentioned. The challenge with setting #goals as benchmarks for your own relationships, is that it may be a scary proposition or simply a bad idea. For starters you don't REALLY know what goes on behind the scenes in anyone's relationship unless you live with the couple full-time. How often do you hear about shocking celebrity pairings like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and think to yourself, OMG how could they? They were perfect! To you and everyone around them, you only see what social media posts about them. All couples deal with their unique challenges. Set relationship goals based on your own standards and not a couple you really don't know much about.

How do you feel about people calling their partners "daddy"? 
I personally don't have any issue when people call their partners daddy. I've called my partner daddy and so did my mother. Calling your partner daddy likely happened when mothers wanted to teach their young children to call their father "daddy" instead of by their real name. Some men like being called daddy. Daddy is a common pet name men seem to adopt after they have kids.

What kind of an impact does social media have on relationships? 
Social media can have both a positive and negative impact on your relationships. Social media is often a source of conflict for couples who have insecurities or experience jealousy. Some partners don't like the posts of their partner when other men/women are complimenting their profile photo and they feel what they're posting is too provocative. Some people get mad at their partner for comments other people make, as if their partner has any control over what other people post. When it comes to social media, there should be boundaries and an open discussion about what causes their partner to get upset. At the same time, when you're dating someone who's a public figure or uses social media for business, you need to be able to manage your own emotions and not let your own insecurities get in the way. The positive side of social media is that your posts can be used as a platform to acknowledge your partner and really share with your friends, family and community how much you love and appreciate your partner. Social media also allows two people to stay in touch and feel included in their daily activities when they are dating long distance or travelling.

There is certainly a thing as oversharing when it comes to airing your dirty laundry or your partner's dirty laundry. Social media is not a place to vent to the world about your relationship challenges. So many people abuse social media and use it as a way of getting free therapy and/or participate in cyber bullying. When a couple who frequently shares posts with their community about their relationship, and all of a sudden STOP posting altogether, people who follow them will automatically make assumptions that something's wrong. You are creatures of habit and social media reveals a lot about one's personal relationships. You can usually tell when a couple is breaking up, breaking down or getting back together based on the frequency, consistency and actual content in their posts.

For more on Carmelia, check out her website here.
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